My Weight Goes Up And Down And I Still Love My Body

My weight has been inconsistent and I still love my body. I know right? How come? I failed to maintain my weight, I gained back 17kg, and I’ve accepted the fact that I gained it. Let me tell you why!


Who doesn’t hate setbacks? You’ve been working so hard to achieve your goal then when you achieve it. But you failed to maintain it and some of the hard work you put feels like a total waste!

Yes, there are times where I punish myself for gaining weight. I cried at the gym while exercising because I had a cheat meal. There are times where I made an excuse to not go out with my friends just because I didn’t want to be tempted to eat outside. That is how much dedication I put to get to 64kg from roughly 140kg. That’s how much I’m committed to improving, but improving doesn’t always mean losing weight.


Some of you probably think, “I don’t want to be on a diet because what she did was extreme, she alienated herself, she ditch her friends, she became anti social just to lose weight.”

Well, YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO GET WHAT AND WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. You have to sacrifice lots of things. No one said it was going to be easy but to achieve what you want in life you have to sacrifice things. You gain some, you lose some.


Since I moved back to Jakarta, I found my new family at Bengal Crossfit. That is actually how I gained weight. No, I am not blaming them but I’m actually thanking the people I met there. I was so used to training on my own, going home and eating what I cook to be on track when it comes to my diet (I barely ate outside). However, since I joined this community I realized one thing, THEY DONT CARE HOW THIN YOU ARE, THEY LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.

That is how I realized that you don’t have to be perfect. Just be you and people will still love you. I started enjoying myself; eating outside, eating whats considered unhealthy, not weighing myself. I ended up gaining weight. But you know what else I gained? Happiness.


Yes, I think I still look athletic at 81kg. Yes, I am happy. But I do feel heavier when I run. I do dislike that I’m easily of breath. But hey, fitness isn’t a destination it is a journey. There will be ups and downs. So, starting this week I will start weighing myself twice a week. Maintaining what I eat and start restricting myself again from temptation.

I’m learning to be less extreme than before, finding a place where I can feel as fit but also go on more Sunday brunches with my friends.

1. You can be a perfectionist but you won’t always be perfect
2. There are things that you need to sacrifice to get what and where you want
3. You are human, it is normal to slip out
4. You are definitely winning when you can be happy and comfortable in your own skin
6. Find people who love you for who you are and can make you love yourself
7. Life is not easy to balance all the time

Written by Farah
Photos by Farah